Potty training envy is a “thing”, I’m sure of it. I bet we all go through it in the lead up but noone talks about it. My son is two and he is still not potty trained and I have serious potty training envy every time I see a child his age or younger with no nappies on. Every time I wipe his soiled butt I get annoyed at myself for not sticking to it. I never used to care but now with a newborn who is only doing breastfed poos, which are totally not gross, the toddler poos now seem so adult. I mean I may as well be wiping my husbands butt, they eat the same food.

Ok so I have tried to train him twice. How bad does that sound? “Train him”, like a puppy… The first time he was 18 months and I was 30+ weeks pregnant. I’m told that this was the most stupid idea I have ever had. That it wasn’t the right time and that he would just have regressed when the new baby came, yada yada. I figured it was summer and therefore I could let him run around nappy free outside because the weather was nicer. As I was bent over one hot summers day with a massive belly and pelvic pain, hosing a steaming pile of poo down the concrete towards the drain, trying not to vomit from the smell, I gave up. I gave up that day but no-one gave my son the memo, he must have still been in the potty training mode while we were having a shower and I lost him under my big belly. He was squatting down below me “reading a book”, when he stood up and pointed to something saying “YUCKKYYYY”, and I saw it!!! IN THE SHOWER!!!  A log!!! So I screamed for my husband, who came running up the stairs the fastest I’ve ever seen him move, thinking my waters had broken or something. I was pointing and dry retching at the poo and he asked me what to do…. Why do men freeze when they panic? He even suggest I squish it down the drain with my toes!?!?! Seriously. I screamed for him to hand me some toilet paper and grab a plastic bag as the water that was spraying onto it was slowly diluting it and it was beginning to soften and run…. After these two incidents I happily prepared myself for two lots of nappies.

He had been showing all the signs from very early on. Curiosity in the toilet, peeing on demand in the shower and telling me when he had done a poopoo before the great wall of Ari’s poo smell hit me like a k-bomb. Failed attempt number two was a few months later after my daughter was born. The new baby had arrived and he saw how gross poo was and that “nappies are for babies”. He still didn’t seem bothered at all with wet undies so I put pants on him too and even this didn’t bother him. It wasnt until he’d slip in a puddle of his own pee or I’d feel the wet pants before I’d realise he’d had an accident.My laundry pile was mounting with 5 outfits in one hour!! So I said STUFF IT!!! I would rather feel the shame when every aunty lectured me on the fact he is still in nappies and wait until my child is ready than go through the turmoil of potty training a child who just isn’t ready.

How is there a sleep school but not a potty training school? I would pay massive bucks to check in somewhere and leave with my child out of nappies. This has to be the biggest challenge I have had as a mother to date. I wonder why? Is it because I’m a slight germaphobe so every accident resulted in me mopping with eucalyptus oil and then steaming, then washing him in the laundry trough and then changing his clothes? It was such hard work and non stop. No wonder the poor kid hated it. How do others do it with childcare in the mix as well? I read the 3 day potty training guide and I was determined to make it work. 3 days turned into 3 months and he’s still not interested. Every time I see him go purple in the face pushing out a poo infront of me, I say “Don’t forget to tell mummy when you need to go to the toilet” and he waits until he’s done and says “Yucky kaka” Yeah no s**t Sherlock!!!!!

I bet some of you are thinking boo hoo, cry me a river. I know, if this is my biggest challenge to date then I am extremely lucky and you’re right and I know it. My son has been an angel. I should listen to myself when I tell other people, that all children are developmentally different from others their age. That he talks A LOT and has other strengths so why am I so hung up on the nappies? I notice things I never used to, like kids pants and how puffy they are, means they are wearing nappies, then I wonder how old they are. Two of my Snapchat friends potty trained their kids in a week or so. Every snap I saw of their child doing a wee in the loo made me so envious! TEACH ME! TEACH ME THE WAY!!!

I’ll give it another go in 6 months I think when he is 2.5 but until then I am letting go of the mummy guilt. Yes, my name is Zoe and I have a toddler who isn’t potty trained. Sorry if you began reading this thinking I was going to give you some sort of answers. Nope. I’m just letting you all know it’s OK to “fail”. It doesn’t make me a bad mummy. It makes me a good mummy for realising that he simply isn’t ready yet and the best thing for me to do is not rush him and stop beating myself up about it. It’s not like the old days and the stories I have heard from our parents generation of how they used to potty train us would make your head spin.

Thanks for reading. love you all. -Zoe xoxo