The dreaded C word.

Something you may not guess about me is…. are you ready for it?…. that I hate CHRISTMAS! Can you believe it, I’m a Grinch? I blame all my years in retail, working at Chadstone shopping centre, all those extended hours and not getting to enjoy it. Then there was Boxing Day, which reminded me how rude people are, returning their loved ones gifts to exchange for 15 other things to the same value because the sales were so dramatic on that day. So many ungrateful wives and girlfriends returning their gifts (I worked in jewellery), with their partner in tow, some even having the audacity to crack the sh*ts at the poor guy when they couldn’t get a refund for “wasting so much money”. *insert multiple eye rolls

I clearly loved Santa from a young age

I don’t remember when it happened to be honest. When it was that I crossed over to the dark side and started breaking out in hives at the sight of glittery balls and an old dude in a red suit. Surely I’m onto something with Santa because kids don’t like him, my son feared for his life last time we put him on Santa’s lap. We completely brainwash them (well I have been this year) into liking the big guy because “he will only bring gifts if you are nice”. If I told him a glitter pooping unicorn would bring him a lollypop if he eats his  dinner he would believe me…. HE’S TWO!

my son #stoked

I totally struck it lucky when I met my husband. His family celebrates Christmas on the 7th of January! GREAT!!! TWO CHRISTMAS’ for me!!! #soblessed As if I didn’t hate it enough I need to go through it twice in one year. This also means my tree, which so far has been quite small, but I don’t foresee getting away with that for long, will have to stay up even longer than the average household. I’ll have to wear a stupid paper crown I got from a BonBon or whatever they’re called with some crappy joke that we all read out to each other and no-one really laughs at, and be scratched by my mums tinsel earrings and apron as she comes anywhere near me. Hold up, my mum could be the reason. Her house looks like Santas Magical Kingdom every year, so much though I swear they would be able to see it from space at night. Not to mention my inheritance she is ploughing though to buy life-sized reindeers and inflatable (bigger than life) Santas.

My family Christmas

Everyone was telling me to , “wait till you’ve had children and you tune will change”. Well no, my tune hasn’t changed, I just feel slightly more guilty to tell people I don’t like the propaganda of Christmas. Don’t get me wrong I would never deprive my kids of anything just because it’s not something I’m into, but I don’t have to like it. Just like I need to change nappies, I do it because I have to, not because I enjoy it. Last year I got into Elf on a shelf and it was pretty much the best thing about my Christmas. I might make him his own account this year. #naughtyelf

Naughty Elf Mitso shaving my husbands eyebrow

I’m a fraud

How may people tell their children the story of St. Nicholas? How many people teach their kids about all the other little children around the world who don’t have gifts this year and how they can do something nice for someone else. I like the gifts, I like the food and I love the buzz in the air around Christmas time, it’s all the other junk that rubs me the wrong way, like the tinsel and the lights and the baubles and the dorky outfits. In saying that again, I would never deprive my children of it, gees I was at a shopping centre with Ambrosia the day after she was born to try to get Santa photos. My insides were practically still hanging out and I was out with a 2 day old baby, stalking shopping centres to get a pic. We were unsuccessful and due to my husband not seeing the 25 missed calls I made to him, resulted in a highly hormonal pregnant woman sporting a 2 day old going absolutely nuts at him when we missed Santa by 5 minutes while he parked the car in 40 degree heat. I pulled a hormonal flip, do you remember them? When you are absolutely losing it angry and then something flips and without even realising it you’re sobbing and he wants to hug you but he’s scared because you might actually rip his face off. Gotta love post pregnancy hormones.

day 2 of life and she was tortured this way

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy the pics. Love you all – Zoe xoxo