My Crap Morning

I want you to stop what you are doing for a moment and really visualise the story I’m about to tell you. I say this because what happened to me this morning will forever be imprinted into my memories of motherhood. If you’re a mother and have ever doubted returning to work, this will leave you confident you made the right decision. If you aren’t a mother yet, and wish to be stop reading now, trust me.

This morning my 11 month old woke up a few hours earlier than usual, which is out of character for her, so i went in to get her and immediately realised it was a poo that woke her. I took her to my room to change her nappy, it was a nice solid log (take note of the consistency, as this information is vital to the story), I threw the nappy towards the doorway (I figured my husband would take it to the bin on his way out), gave her a feed and thankfully she was drowsy enough to nod back off to sleep. Parenting win right there, when you get them back to sleep and can get a few more hours in the morning. I was winning at life…..

At some stage she woke up and climbed off the bed, I thought I heard some rustling at the foot of the bed, but I was still… so…. sleepy…. nodded off again. I sleep on my stomach and really close to the edge of the bed (as far away from my husbands snoring as possible) so my face is always pretty much always hanging off the bed, I was woken by my daughter pounding on my face with her fist, she was trying to make me eat something? I presumed she was trying to strum my lips as that’s a phase she’s currently going through. I scrunched my face and as I opened my eyes and slowly focused whilst coming to…. I noticed… what does she have in her hand???…….. that’s odd… OHHHHH MYYYYYY DEAAAAAARRRR SWEEEETTT BABBBYYYY JEEEEESUSSSSSS!!!!!! She was pounding on my face with her TURD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve never screamed so loud in my life. I was hysterical. If you know me at all you know what a clean freak/germaphobe I am, coupled with the fact that NO ONE touches my face, EVER I’m surprised I didn’t vomit!! I’m shuddering just reliving it in my head.

The moral of the story…. No matter how baby proof your room/house is, DO NOT leave your children unattended. What a “crap” way to wake up. My face still smells like Dettol.

Thanks for reading. Love you all- Zoe xoxo

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